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【课程简介】

古人云,以铜为镜可以正衣冠,以人为镜可以明得失。这句话在写作练习中也同样值得借鉴。想要提高自己的写作水平,除了有充分的练习之外,也需要去看一些优秀的习作,分析其中值得学习的地方。有些学生在托福写作的备考中只顾埋头练。通常的情况是,习作练了一摞,但是进步却不明显。今天我们就来看一篇托福满分范文。以下是一道托福独立作文真题

“Doyouagreeordisagreewiththefollowingstatement?Peopleareneversatisfiedwithwhattheyhave;theyalwayswantsomethingmoreorsomethingdifferent.Usespecificreasonstosupportyouranswer.”

题目问的是人们是不是永远都不满足于自己所拥有的,总是想要更多或者不一样的东西。(是的,你没看错,托福作文也会有如此有情怀的题目。)

范文段:

Ithinkit’sprobablytruethatpeopleareneversatisfiedwithwhattheyhave.(开门见山,亮明自己观点)Theyalwayswantsomethingmoreorsomethingdifferentfromwhatistheirs.Thisjustseemstobepartofourhumannature.Lookatatoddler.(在引入段就举例是属于非常大胆的,但是如果用好了也会起到很好的作用。这里,这个例子就是作者对自己观点的佐证,非常形象生动)Giveheratoytoplaywithandshe’shappy-untilsheseessomethingeke.Thenshewantsthatothertoytoplaywith.Ifsheandherbrotherareeachgivenacookie,she’lllooktoseewhosecookieisbigger.She’llprotestloudlyifshethinksherbrotherisgettingmore.(这一句看似描述,实质是在点题。有很多学生在写作文的时候会陷入例子和话题irrelevant的困境,就是因为在缺乏对例子的剖析,以及找到和话题的切入点。如果是这样的话,准备再多的“例子”都是徒劳的。)

"Thegrassisalwaysgreener"isanold,butit'sagoodofhowmanyofusfeel.(非常恰当的名言引用)We'realwaysstrivingfor(注意这个动词短语的使用,没有用一般的lookingfor或者searchfor,表达的感情更为强烈一些。)abetterjob,anicerplacetolive,afanciercar,ormoreexpensiveclothes.Partofthisreachingformoreandbetterisbecausewecareaboutwhatotherpeoplethinkandwanttoimpressthem.Partofitistryingtomakeourselvesfeelsuccessful.(partof,partof体现出行文的前后呼应,紧凑感)Butthere'salsosomethinginournaturethattellsuswecandobetterandreachhigher.

Thisisn'talwaysanegativequality.There'sanothersaying:"Aman'sreachshouldexceedhisgrasp,orwhat'saheavenfor?"It'sagoodthingtobeconstantlypushingourselvesandlookingforsomethingdifferent.Ifwedon'ttryformoreanddifferentthings,webeginto,stagnate,likeapoolthatdoesn'tgetanyfreshwater.(在理性叙述的同时,也要注意用一些类比,让行文不那么死板)

Theproblemeswhenwewon'tletourselvesbesatisfiedwithanythingwehave.Ifwehaveafortablelifeandstillfeelasifsomething'smissing,thenweneedtolookinward.Thesomethingthat'smissingmaybeinourspirit.(不同寻常的结尾段)

Ann点评:这篇满分范文不同于很多老师强调的五段式文章,但是,胜在强大的逻辑和对语言的灵活使用。模仿+练习双管齐下,相信你也不会再惧怕写作的。

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