There is an important transitional stage in childrearing called “coregulation.” This is where parents set general guidelines but allow their child to begin making specific choices for himself. Think about a very young child and a teenager. They get hungry between lunch and dinner. Would you say to the young child, “Go get whatever you want”? No. You decide if it is okay for him to have a snack, you decide exactly what he will have and precisely how much, then you supervise him while he eats it. Meanwhile, the teenager will just go into the kitchen and get whatever he wants without even asking.
抚养孩子有一个非常重要的过度阶段叫“共同协调”，也就是父母会设立大体规范，但允许孩子自己做一下不同的选择。想想很小的宝宝和少年，试想下午孩子饿了，你会对小宝宝说：“去找点儿吃的吧”？不会，因为，吃什么对孩子有好处，吃多少吃什么都由你来决定，而且你会监督ta吃。而一个少年会直接去厨房找ta爱吃的，绝不会问你的意见。
Now think about a child in the in-between stages. You might say, “You can have a snack, but try to eat something healthy and don’t eat too much because we will be having dinner soon.” It is then up to the child to decide exactly what he will have and how much. Responding in this way can be a little scary as it is possible the child will make some mistakes. But it is critically important to give the child opportunities to start managing his own behavior. Eventually he will be beyond your physical control, and if he has not been given the chance to make good choices himself, he can easily get into serious trouble.
现在假定你的宝宝处于不大不小的年龄，你可能会说：“你可以吃点儿零食，但要吃健康食品而且别吃太多，因为马上就吃晚饭了。”然后由孩子决定吃什么吃多少。这样做可能换来孩子犯错的风险，但给孩子一个可以学习管理自己行为的机会是至关重要的。最后“这只小猴子终会逃出你的手掌心”但如果ta从来没有自己做出过正确的选择，就会轻易的做出很多错误的选择。
The trick is to set appropriate parameters and allow the child to operate independently within those parameters, gradually loosening the limitations and increasing his freedom as he develops good decision-making skills. And it is a good idea to start this process as soon as possible. Micro-managing everything your young child does may give you temporary peace of mind. But in the long run, giving him suitable opportunities to develop good decision-making skills through co-regulation is more sensible and satisfying as it will allow you to sleep well at night all those years in the future when he is grown and gone.
技巧就是设定标准参考，并允许孩子在一定范围内独立行事，随着ta行为能力的提高逐步放松约束给予更多的自由。这个过程越早开始越好。事无巨细的管理你的宝宝可能换回你片刻的宁静，但是给予他们适当的机会去成为一个可以正确管理自己的人，会让你以后的整个人生都能睡得安稳，尤其是当他们长大后已经不在你身边时。
